a note to a lover during the solar eclipse

Will you ever come back to me?

 

To the place where you held my heart so tenderly

In a space where no darkness shone through

Where you and I never held back; tried and true

 

Because the love we shared

Was more rare than a solar eclipse

Never daring to stare directly at us

a dreaded love apocalypse,

was what you feared

 

I remember the time you told me

The reflection of the stars were in my eyes

The law of the universe written and actualized

So no need for a telescopee to see

 

Now I find myself floating aimlessly

Because you ripped away our galaxy

So quickly it was a tragedy

 

Lost stardust roaming courageously

Waiting until our universes collide again

Holding on tight to our energy shamelessly

 

As I ask again, will you ever come back to me?

 

 

How do you have it all figured out?

July 20, 2017  – 10:45am

I am doing something I do not generally do. I am writing this piece without having it all figured out.

A roadblock that is constantly appearing in my life is this “urge” to make sure all the puzzles pieces fit together perfectly before sharing myself with others.

It’s the perfect harmony to your favorite song. It’s like trying to catch the exact ebb and flow of a wave when surfing. It’s a coloring book filled with pictures that has no color outside the lines (almost impossible  – ask any mother of a toddler).

I think you get the picture, yeah? We can get close to perfect with time and diligent practice. Yet if we never share ourselves then there is no room for imperfection.

There is no space to improve, to grow, or for that matter – make mistakes. There is no time to color crazily outside the lines, get flipped and tumbled around by a wave, or scream at the top of your lungs.

I invite you to share yourself (unapologetically) and create the possibility to receive from others without judgment.

Accept what is by partaking in the beauty of who you are. Especially and most importantly when nothing is figured out.

love, lena xo

sonreir

 

there is a gracefulness to her rays

tactfully auspicious

strangers lost in her gaze

lustful and suspicious

 

seeking her out cravingly

her sunshine; a tragic contagion

light sheds pervasively

creating a world of optimistic contamination

groundless

Star dust oscillates through the blood

The taste of a Szechuan bud

Lingering on the tongue

 

Lightning crashes in one lung

The other overflowing with a starry-eyed sea

Bioluminescence sensuality

 

Materializing to a feverish energy

The mind lost in reverie

 

Your bodies no longer grounded

Everything becomes soundless

 

Each resembling a weightless feather

Serenely fading into a peaceful world together

our subtle light

I never had a hard time loving you
Because I will forever accept you
You came to me far from flawless
As I did to you, definitely not faultless
Our relationship unordinary
Like a tide meeting the ocean; an estuary
All my quiet spots are found within your walls
Our passion and love creating vast waterfalls
A never ending flow of imperfection
Deeply found at a perfect angle of reflection

I mirror you – as you mirror I
Oh, how our light can mystify

perfect little wildflower

My perfect little wildflower,

 

Just imagine you were perfect

Nothing could break you

Or for that matter, make you

 

A world of endless diamonds

Sparkling all horizons

 

Shining out for miles and miles

Lighting up the hills and all the isles

 

Just imagine you were perfect

Tears of pure love

For the life that you are a part of

 

Nothing more and nothing less

You are already a victory, a sweet success

 

Can you even imagine that power?

Because you are all you need to be

My perfect little wildflower

on love

does it arise like a leaf gently flowing down a stream or more like a strike from an avalanche freezing time in just seconds?

&

does it feel like blades of grass dancing in the wind or more like an earthquake shattering the earth beneath your feet?

&

does it sound like birds chirping quietly awakening you on a Sunday morn or more like thunderous bolts crashing above your head?

&

does it smell like a salty kiss against your lips from the ocean breeze or does it smell like nothing at all?

how it feels to find true love

a gaze permeates her eyes,

so deep it was unrecognized

this love was not ephemeral

it was quite plentiful, a rare chemical

pounding of a heartbeat unknown

affirming she no longer had to endure the world alone

not for even one more day

he appeared, wishing her troubles away

she nearly fell to the floor

unable to conceptualize su amor

What I am grateful for that I never said

Dear Pops,

Today is Thanksgiving. The third one. The third one without you. It actually feels like it hurts less than before, and that scares me. I don’t want to lose sight of you. The way today you would call me to let me know the turkey was in the oven getting ready for us. How you would describe the woods up in Ashford. How it was a bit chilly out, but Dakota was loving it outside barking at all the neighbors.  

We would stroll into a crackling fireplace smoking up the house because you could care less. The Chieftains or some Irish jig filling in the quiet spots of the house. As you walked over to us with that sparkle in your eye. You always had a way about you. You could light up a room faster than anyone I’ve known (that still stands). The heaviness and warmth of your hug wrapped around me as if nothing would ever come between us. If I think really, really hard I can still feel one of your hugs. I am happy for that. You would tell me how beautiful I am. Then follow with a snarky joke to make us all crack a smile.

 The kettle would sing to us. You would pour me a breakfast tea, turn and look at me, “you’ll take about 5 sugars right?” with a smirk. You always knew. But hey, now I drink it practically black… shocking I know.

A lot of things have changed since you’ve been gone. The world is definitely a lot less funny, much less smiles to be shared, and less horrifying dance moves for you to embarrass us with in public (or maybe I was the only one mortified when you would lift your shirt up, belly out, and swing your hips). I have no one’s breakfast sandwiches to steal half of, which never seemed to bother you. No one like you to blast music on a long drive and belt out together with no care in the world.

 Ever since you’ve been gone I notice things that only you could provide to me. I really don’t like hugs all that much, but I loved them from you. I rarely sat on anyone’s lap, rightfully so, as a twenty-something year old. Yet, I always sat on yours. You never failed to protect me, love me unconditionally, and embrace who I am. I felt like the best version of myself when I was with you because you believed in me. I am sure that goes for Melissa, Kyle, and Justin. We all love you so deeply, until this day, and for the rest of our lives.

Today, I could be bitter as I can be many days, especially holidays. Because there are children that can be with their dads. There are children that can exchange laughs, smiles and hugs with their dad. There are children that can get irritated, fight or be embarrassed by their dads. And that, unfortunately, makes me envious.

Instead, I want to transform that bitterness into gratefulness. I am forever apologetic that I never shared the unbelievable abundance you carried in my life. I realize that I can still be grateful for you no matter the circumstances. Here are just a few:

  • Thanks for your love of learning, reading, and traveling
  • Thanks for always knowing exactly which joke to tell to make me smile
  • Thanks for calming me down when my anxiety peaked
  • Thanks for making Ireland my home
  • Thanks for forcing us to take pictures together, which I treasure now
  • Thanks for showering me with your wisdom
  • Thanks for your charm and wit
  • Thanks for that laugh of yours that continues to play in my head
  • Thanks for teaching me how to not take everything so seriously, rather live with a lightness
  • Thanks for showing me how to forgive
  • Thanks for your accent that entertained my friends endlessly
  • Thanks for your good looks because we all know you had them
  • Thanks for letting me be “daddy’s little girl”
  • Thanks for your acceptance and encouragement
  • Thanks for continuing to believe in me
  • Most of all, thank you being the best dad in the entire world

 

All the charms you brought and continue to bring into our worlds are boundless, so thank you for being you.

Love you infinitely,

your baby girl

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑